In the Hand of God |
In the Hand of God |
Sometimes I can forget. Sometimes by the mercies of the sweet Lord, I can go about my day to day activities of life and almost forget. Sometimes I can find myself laughing and talking while walking through the woods or sitting on the porch, and I can forget that anything ever happened. Sometimes I find myself just happily walking along, wading in the ocean of life enjoying the beauty of the sunset and the wind blowing on my face without a care in the world. But sometimes I suddenly find myself under the water again fighting to breathe. Sometimes out of nowhere a wave hits and completely knocks me off my feet and throws me into the depths of the sea of pain. Often I have no idea where the tsunami type wave came from. It just sneaks up and overpowers me, and I find myself fighting to survive again. Suddenly I find myself under murky water entangled with seaweed, with my lungs filling up with water to where I can't remember how to breathe. I sometimes can't even tell which direction the surface is from where I have fallen. Sometimes I just want to give in to it and let it be over. Just once to not try to fight it, and to just let it take over and win. And then somewhere above the darkening depths, I hear His voice. He saw the wave and He has come to find me among the depths of the sea. Sometimes I can barely hear Him, but He calls to me to look up. From somewhere high above this murky pit, I see a faint hint of Light and it beckons me to swim toward it. Part of me doesn't even want to try to head in the direction of the Light. Part of me is so tired of following His Light and beckoning to His call, and just wants to close my eyes and let the dark shadows have their way. Sometimes it seems that to give in to the seaweed and the water-filled lungs would provide a rest more peaceful than the cost of fighting for the rest that He promises. But He is insistent. I was bought with a price, and I belong to Him. He created me for a purpose...His purpose. And so he pursues me. The Lover of my soul calls to me even in the deepest of pits and beckons me to come toward Him. Even if I find myself sliding deeper into the murkiness of the water, He continues to call me. The call gradually becomes louder than the roar of the tsunami surrounding me, and my soul longs for His embrace. And so I move toward the Light and the sound of His voice. As soon as I begin to move in His direction, His strong and mighty hand reaches into the depths and He lifts me out onto the sandy beach. Even though the seaweed still hangs tightly around my legs and arms....even though my lungs are still filled with water...even though my lungs still ache and I can hardly breathe...I am at peace as I rest there on the beach with my head in His hand. He gently rubs my face dry, smile, and reminds me that I have a message....and then He tells me to get up and keep going. Tired as I am and still struggling to figure out how to breathe, I get up and continue walking because I am loved by the Maker of the stars and He has something that He wants me to do for Him.
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I had it all planned out when I was younger. I would be just like my mom and marry the only man I had ever dated. We would live in a two story farmhouse, and we would have two or three children. We would have holiday dinners at our house for the whole family. We would have dogs, cats, and other animals. We would go to church every Sunday, and live our lives for God. In a word, everything would be perfect.
Well, I did marry the only man I ever dated. We do live in a two story brick that looks like an old farmhouse. I have two healthy beautiful children, a boy and a girl. Every year since we built the house, we have had a huge Thanksgiving dinner at our house for family. We have three dogs, a cat, three cows, and fourteen goats. We go to church pretty much every time the doors are open, and we live for God. But in a word, it is far from perfect....try imperfect. Over the course of the past year and six months or so, my life has been a roller coaster ride of imperfection. All the things I identified myself with were taken away. Everything about who I thought I was changed. My world as I knew it was forever shaken and altered. That girl from my early twenties looked at my life and saw nothing but a mess. In the middle of the mess, I have found my message. You see, God can't do much when you live life in your comfort zone of what you see as perfect. Sure, you can teach a Sunday School class or host a Bible study, but to really get Jesus under your fingernails, it has to be messy. The lessons have been many, and some have been so hard that I almost forgot how to breathe. Some lessons seemed simple, but were life changing. Take my Bible for instance. In 41 years, I had never made a mark in my Bible. It was worn and falling apart, but it was all black and white...just like how I tended to see things. I was a rule follower. I didn't understand how people get to the point of separating their family, committing suicide, losing interest in life itself, or feeling depressed. My Bible was like everything else....black and white. But in March of 2013, God introduced me to free fall. In the months to follow, I would see what depression could look like. I could see how easy a family could separate. I could understand how heavy life itself can become, and how tempting it is to ask God to just let you come Home. And so the second week of November, I ordered myself a present. A new study Bible and a package of yellow dry highlighters. I still haven't written a word in my Bible, but it has yellow running through it. I have started this blog and it portrays my life as anything but perfect. It shows the real me.....a mess. In the first verse of "Glorious Unfolding" by Steven Curtis Chapman, it tells the story of what God whispers in my ear daily. "Lay your head down tonight, take a rest from the fight. Don't try to figure it out. Just listen to what I'm whispering to your heart. 'Cause I know this is not anything like you thought the story of your life was gonna be. And it feels like the end has started closing in on you, but it's just not true. There's so much of the story that's still yet to unfold. And this is going to be a glorious unfolding, Just you wait and see and you will be amazed. You've just got to believe the story is so far from over. So hold on to every promise God has made to us and watch this glorious unfolding." And so I look at the past almost two years and I see a mess. But out of that mess...out of that mess has come a message. Out of that mess has come a stronger daughter of God. Out of that mess has come dreams that this girl would never have dreamed for herself. Out of the mess has come a boldness and a hunger I never would have known had I not experienced the mess. And no, it isn't what I had planned, but it was His plan. And so I am stepping out on this journey with Him, awaiting my own glorious unfolding. The presence of a great wind, an earthquake, or a fire could and had been known to signal the presence of God. After reading the stories of Noah, Moses and the burning bush, the parting of the Red Sea, and Elijah going up against the prophets of Baal, one might come to believe that God is only seen in the spectacular. Often in our lives we expect God to show up in dramatic ways. We feel that there's no way that God can use ordinary people like us because we see Him as a God who shows up in great and mighty ways. But God doesn't always make His presence known in the spectacular. In fact, more often than not, God makes Himself known in a still small voice. God had shown Himself to Elijah in many ways. He called him to go in boldness before King Ahab. He provided him water from a brook and food from ravens. He had shown him continued provision through the widow's endless supply of flour and oil. God had shown him His power through raising the widow's son from death. He had even granted Elijah victory on Mount Carmel by causing fire to fall upon the altar defeating the prophets of Baal. No doubt Elijah knew that God was real, and had faith in what God could do. But even after a mighty victory on Mount Carmel after boldly going up against 850 prophets, Elijah found himself feeling alone and afraid because of the threat of a woman. He has ran to Horeb, better known as Mount Sinai, the "mountain of God", and hid in a cave. This man who had so much passion for serving God found himself hiding in fear and feeling alone. How many times are we just like Elijah? We have witnessed miracles, seen God's power displayed in our lives, or stood in victory through following Him in a tough time. Suddenly we get bad news or something happens out of our control and we immediately forget everything we know to be true and run to hide? While we are cowered in fear, we pray that God will provide a miracle or show up in a big way to defeat the giant that we are facing. How many times do we feel like we are the only ones hurting and that we are alone in our pain? This great prophet who had stood boldly for God risking everything, including his life, still had a lesson to learn. God was teaching him that He is not just in the spectacular. Often God works quietly. He doesn't have to speak through thunder or an earthquake, but can more often be experienced through a still small voice. God also would show Elijah that he wasn't the only person who was at work for Him. Elijah could only see himself and the situation he now found himself facing. He felt like he was alone on this mission for God. But God would show Elijah that He still had 7,000 in Israel who served Him. So many times in the last year of my life, I have found myself feeling alone and afraid. I have seen God work in mighty ways, even with miracles. I have even witnessed His still small voice many times in my life, and yet I get so absorbed in the sounds of the storm that I fail to listen for it. Sometimes I wait for God to move with a great earthquake, or a fire in my life, and almost miss it when He speaks in that same still small voice that Elijah heard. We all are like Elijah. We all need to be reminded that God wants a personal relationship. He isn't about putting on shows for big crowds of people, although He can and He has. He is not far away and only active in the spectacular. He is a God who wants a personal relationship with each of His children. I am amazed when I see God act through a miracle or allow he unexplainable to happen. I enjoy seeing Him move in a church service. But my favorite experiences with God is when I hear that still small voice. The knowledge that the God who created everything wants an intimate relationship with me. The feeling that He takes the time to see my tears and hear my prayers, and that He leans in close to whisper sweet peace to me. To me, that is spectacular.
Fear. The kind of fear that sends you straight to the feet of Jesus and even there you can feel its grip. Fear that allows you to read fifteen chapters of Job without thinking to take a break. Fear in the heart of a girl who generally isn't fearful. And before you send the verses I already know them..."perfect love casts out fear", "fear not for I am with thee, be not dismayed", etc. I also know Job 1:12, Job 2:6, and 1 Peter 5:8. It's just like teaching. You don't give the hardest tests first. They get harder as you go.
I've had some difficult tests. Most of the really hard ones have been in the last couple of years. I know the God who promises to never leave us, for I have felt Him when I thought I was alone. I know the Perfect Love personally, for it has cast away my fear and allowed me to walk in paths I could not have walked alone. And my favorite verse is Isaiah 41:10, "Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." I know Him. I know His love, His strength, and His power. But I also know 1 Peter 5:8, Job 1:12, and Job 2:6. I know the God who tests us with fiery trials, for I have felt the heat from the fire many times. I know the God who sometimes stays His hand and allows the storm to come in all its fury. I have felt the flame of refining fire, and I have grown to know more and more about my Creator and His love for me. Yet I also know the tests must grow more difficult in order to continue to grow me...and therein lies the fear. I asked an old friend to pray for me a couple of weeks ago because I knew that I was getting ready to embark on a journey that God had called me to, and that Satan intended to keep me from finishing. It has many facets, some in the near future, and some that seem so very far away and impossible to reach. Some I have dreamed for myself. Some I dare not hardly speak above a whisper because they are from Someone higher than I. The problem is that Satan doesn't like any of them, big or small. I have grown to learn a lot about who God is. I have also learned a lot about Satan. Our world gets caught up in movies and books that tell them that Heaven is for real. Yes, Heaven is for real....so is Hell. We love that God knows us intimately and knows our every thought and the desires of heart. We don't stop to realize that Satan knows us intimately too. He does his homework. He studies for your test. Not to help you pass, but to ensure your failure. I have heard the voice of God in a dream. I will never forget it. It was the most amazing feeling, even though I didn't begin to understand at the time just what it was that He was saying. But last night I heard another voice. A voice that instilled fear, and brought out every Bible verse I could draw on in immediate succession. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts otf wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12 NKJV. I've read that verse at least one hundred times, but never have I felt the presence otf the battle as I did last night. Never have I been so afraid. But they were hidden on my heart. "When I am afraid I will trust in thee." "Perfect Love casteth out fear." "Fear not, for I am with thee." "You will not need to fight this battle, stand still..." And "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death' because He is with me. I see a journey that I am beckoned to continue on, but I see the battlefields that lie in wait on the path. There is a place where battles move beyond finances and problems at work. There is a place where the weapons of choice change from daggers and arrows to heavy artillery. I have reached that place. It would be easy to quit. It would be easy to tell God that I am tired, and that I am afraid that one day there will be a test that I will fail, even with Him standing there. I could tell Him that my armor is so cracked and battered from the more recent waves of battle, that I fear that it cannot withstand the weaponry that is sure to come. But it is pointless. It is pointless because I have tested Him and found Him faithful. How can I tell Him what I cannot do so long as He is by my side? And so I go on not knowing. I would not if I might. I would rather walk in the dark with God than to go alone in the light. For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14 NKJV I will never forget his face. This little dark haired boy looking out the driver's side window of his family's van, yelling at me as loud as he could. "I just saw the Baby Jesus!", he yelled. "He's on the other side of the church and the angels and shepherds are there too. Hurry! Go look!" In that little boy's face, I saw the culmination of hours of work, and most importantly I saw Christmas through his eyes. To this little boy the story of Christmas was happening before his very eyes. He has just witnessed Gabriel appearing to Mary. He had seen Joseph and Mary seeking a room at the inn. He has passed the shepherds with their sheep, and had seen the angels hovering over them proclaiming the birth of a King. He had seen the Baby Jesus in swaddling clothes being held in His mother's arms. That night this little boy, who couldn't be more than four, had witnessed the birth of his Savior. It doesn't get much better than that. I had been raised in a Baptist family who firmly believed in Paul's writings of what a woman's place was in church. I understood it, and planned to marry a Christian man who would be active in church and allow me to play a supportive role as his partner. There was just one problem...I always wanted to be an Esther. I would read the entire book over and over. "For such a time as this." I wanted that. I wanted the God who created the universe to give me a mission. I wanted Him to choose me to do something for His Kingdom. I wanted Him to use me to reach people...not just to stand back and watch. One year there was no one to be in charge of the Christmas program, and our new pastor asked me if I would do something. There hidden away in the back of my mind was a drive through nativity. It was my personal gift from God. He had given me a ministry. I watched my church come together to make it happen. Ladies ironing costumes, while the men assembled the props. Children in their angel and Bethlehemite costumes, and older men dressed as shepherds. Older ladies making apple cider and hot chocolate in the kitchen, while couples helped each other adjust their costumes. Lines of cars driving through multiple times to witness what this night might have been like the night when Love was born. And then it was gone. It was time for my family to change churches and I just couldn't let it go. Why would God give me the one thing I had always asked for, and then ask me to lay it down and walk away? He had allowed me to help my church create a new ministry that averaged a car every two minutes, and now He said to lay it down. Every Sunday my husband would ask if I had resigned, and I would look at the floor and shake my head no. Finally one Sunday after asking me if I had resigned with the answer again being no, he got a call. It turned out that there had been a collapse of a room at a local school. The room happened to contain several of the props we had used for the nativity, since he had helped to build them and could borrow them. I sat in the kitchen floor and cried. God was saying to let go. I sat in a business meeting a few weeks ago, and kept staring at the empty space on the list of jobs for the upcoming year. It was for the Christmas program. My heart so wanted my name to be there, and yet I didn't know if it was me wanting to grab it, or God asking me to pick it up. I waited and prayed...and prayed....and prayed. In my head I can see it again. I see Mary receiving the news that she will bear the Messiah. I see shepherds by a fire surrounded by their sheep looking up at a host of angels proclaiming the best news ever given to this planet. I see the innkeeper shaking his head as an anxious Joseph seeks shelter for his wife who will soon deliver. I see Herod inquiring from the Wise Men about this child they seek. I see Mary holding her newborn in a stable. And I see my Savior now grown and hanging on a cross. This year I will help my new church to come together and tell the greatest story that has ever been told. It's going to be hard for them to see these pictures that are inside my head, but I am hoping that they will join me in helping the world to see the Gift that it has been given. It won't demand much of their time, no practices and just one weekend. They won't have to speak or stretch themselves beyond their comfort zones, except to maybe be a little chilly for a couple of hours in order to tell the story of a Savior who went to a cross for them. I hope they all want to participate. I hope they all want to see the eyes of a small child looking in wonder as the story of an amazing night unfolds before their eyes....the story of the night when Love was born. Surely he will never be shaken; The righteous will be in everlasting remembrance. He will not be afraid of evil tidings; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Psalm 112:6-7 NKJV A few days ago a friend sent me this verse in a text. As I read those words, I find myself longing to be that person they describe. Someone who is never shaken, not afraid of evil tidings, with a steadfast heart, trusting in the Lord. But I am not her, but I am growing. Today marks one year since I started this blog. I looked back today at some of my earlier posts, beginning with my grandfather's eulogy. I look back at that girl who started this endeavor last September, and honestly I barely recognize her. I look at her with a mixture of envy and pity. In some ways I envy where she was last September, the naivety of what was transpiring around her. Still filled with an element of trust and joy that she would learn to lose as time went on. In many ways I pity her, knowing what lay ahead of her. As I read through my posts, I relived so many milestones of the past year. When I started last September 1, I was officially without a church. It was the Sunday between leaving White Oak and starting Pleasant Ridge. As I read on, I traveled the road of letting go of one church home, and becoming part of a new one. I relived the pain of giving up the drive through nativity, and the beginning of the journey to a new job. I also saw glimpses of another struggle that is beyond words. This year has taught me many things, but there are two that stand above the rest. The first is that you really do not know anyone as well as you think you do. So many of our relationships are superficial, even when we don't think that they are. I have always found such comfort in knowing that I have some of the greatest friends and family members that anyone could ask to have. I never feared dealing with anything alone, yet this year has taught me that there is a place where no one else can join you. I understand the story of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. I understand the need Jesus experienced to bring the small group of disciples with him farther into the garden to pray. He needed them to be close and to support Him in His final hours before facing the cross. Yet there came a point where He had to withdraw alone to be with God. I have found this year that there are places that you must go alone. There isn't anyone who can go with you. You find yourself alone with God. The other thing that I learned this year stems from the first. When you reach the point that you realize there is no one else to cling to, you find that God really is enough...more than enough. Even when you find yourself so very angry with Him for leaving nothing in your life untouched. Even then, in the pain you find He is all you need. And at some point, you realize that He is all you have. I look in the mirror now, and I don't look the same. I am not the same. I think God had me begin this blog so that I could go back and read between the lines, and remember where I was, where I went, and where I am today. That girl from last September had a rough year. She was broken more than once in more than one way. She stands stronger, but she bears scars. Some of the broken places are healing, and have grown back stronger and more secure. Some of the broken places bear deep scars, but they tell a story of faith in an amazing God. And some of the broken places are raw and open, and truthfully may never really heal. So on this one year anniversary of tiptoeing into accepting a much bigger calling, I can smile. I can count it al joy, because in the darkest places I found a Light. Sometimes it was hidden and dim, but it was always there. I am glad He did not show me where this year would take me, because I couldn't have made the journey. There is something to be said for not knowing where the road will go. I am at a new place with God. A place I have never been before. I am in my early forties, and I have found that God has more plans for me than I would have ever began to dream for myself. A God-sized dream for a broken girl. There's a years worth of blog posts here that outline the story...His story for me. Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is. 1 Corinthians 3:13 KJV We place value in many things such as sports, money, nice homes and cars, and careers. We spend our days trying to make a name for ourselves. We strive to climb the ladder of success, We push our children to be the best in sports or school. We want to live a successful and comfortable life. But what makes a successful life? Is it money, cars, and houses? Is it climbing the corporate ladder? Is it raising your kids to be the best in everything? The Bible says that our works will be tried by fire in order to determine what sort of work it was. What works withstand fire? What works are deemed important by God? With our crazy and hectic lives, we tend to focus on the urgent. The urgent things are the ones that press upon us every day and hang over our heads needing to be done. The urgent carries with it deadlines and to do lists, but just because it's urgent is it important? Too many times we sacrifice the important for the urgent. The problem with what is urgent is that it is often unimportant in the scheme of things. How many things do we make time for in our lives that are forgotten or meaningless in two weeks? God isn't as concerned with what we deem urgent. He is more concerned with what is important. God wants us to care about people. He wants us to be like Jesus and spend our days looking for ways to show His love to others. When we die, things like titles at work, grades and evaluation scores, or how much money or stuff we had won't stand being tried by fire. God isn't interested in how much money you made or how many trophies you won. God is interested in what you did for others, and by default for Him. My proudest moments as a mom are not of my kids winning awards or winning a tennis match. My proudest moments are watching my son stop to hold the door for an elderly stranger, him stopping to play with a lonely younger child, or him wanting to help someone with something. My proudest moments are watching the smile on the face of my daughter as she rolls the last of the pennies that she's collected for children in Guatemala, or hearing her pray for a friend who is hurting. You see, they might not make the volleyball team or make the highest grades, but they make their Heavenly Father smile for they are learning the things that withstand fire. They are making a difference in the lives of others. Look at the things you make time for each day. Are you carving out time for them because they are urgent or because they are important? What would happen if you focused less on the day to day and focused more on eternity. You only have one chance to live your life. Make it count. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2 NKJV Sometimes He lets you sit in it for awhile. Sometimes you find yourself wandering around in the wilderness crying out to God, and wondering how long it will last. Sometimes He lets it hurt. Sometimes He lets you feel the strength of the storm, the wind, the rain, and the hail. Sometimes He prunes you, and the cuts are so deep they are almost unbearable. Sometimes He allows others to hurt you, and He waits until you think you can bear it no longer. You find yourself in the darkness feeling alone and defeated. And then suddenly there is a light. Faint at first, and then almost so bright you cannot remember the darkness you just were experiencing. You look up into the face of your Father, and you know everything will be okay now. There are times in our lives when we feel overwhelmed. We don't know what to do next, and it seems like there is nowhere else to turn. It is in those times that we must find ourselves being led to the Rock that is higher than we are. So many people have this perception that God is too big to involve Himself in the everyday lives of people, but they couldn't be more wrong. Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation and feel that God has deserted us. Rest assured that the Rock is there, unshakable and unmovable. You must maintain your trust in the Rock. That is the key. You must hold on to your faith even in the darkness of the deepest pit. You must hold on even when it seems like the storms never end. Eventually you will find that your Father will step in and stop the storms. Paul and Silas were in jail. They had been beaten and imprisoned for their teaching. They were in stocks, and yet they sang praise to God. They had been preaching the word of God, and yet they found themselves in pain and in prison. Why would they sing and praise God when He allowed this to happen to them? They knew that their work was for Him and that He was in charge. They knew a relationship with the Almighty that was personal. Yes, He had allowed them to suffer, but in the middle of the night amidst their singing and praise, there was an earthquake that loosened their chains and set them free. We are no different than Paul and Silas. I can testify that if you continually go to the Rock that He will take care of you. It is rarely early, but never too late when He shows up. Sometimes it seems like the forces around you are continually knocking you down. Sometimes it seems as if there is no hope of the situation getting any better. Sometimes you just climb in His arms and tell Him that you are okay with whatever comes as long as He is there. And after the storm beats so long that you can hardly stand, you will find that your Daddy will show up and say, "That's enough. She is Mine." Suddenly you will find that the winds have ceased, the thundering is quieted, and the sun is shining. Even though you are still soaked from the storms, you will find warmth in the love of your Father. You will look up to the Rock that is higher, and He will look down at you and smile. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV I stand quietly in the doorway of her bedroom. She is reading and hasn't noticed that I am there. I see it on her face and in her eyes. I simply walk away because there isn't anything I can say to make it better. She didn't say anything when she came in from school today. She just headed to her room to read. I saw it in the way she walked, slow and with her head down. I saw in in her face as she sat slumped on her bed reading. She doesn't have to say a word...I know it all too well. I know what it feels like to have your heart relocate to your stomach on a permanent basis. I know what it feels like to have the tears fall into your cereal. I know the sick feeling you get when you head to bed knowing when you wake up you must face it again. I know what it feels like to not dare look in the mirror while you're brushing your teeth because your tearstained face will make you cry again. You try to convince yourself that you don't really care, but the hurt screams otherwise. You catch yourself imagining where you could run to and no one would be able to find you just so you can escape for a little while and rest from it. You try to figure out what it was that you did to make her hate you so much, but you just can't put your finger on it. And sometimes if you're lucky, you're able to forget for a minute. You get absorbed in a song or a television show and just for a minute you forget your reality, your darkness, but then it returns to slap you across the face and you find yourself fighting back the tears. I find myself wanting to take her in my arms and cry with her. I want to tell her that I will protect her. I want to lavish her with compliments and remind her how very special she is and how much she is loved. I want to tell her all the things about her that I find beautiful. I want to give her peace. And yet I know that none of these things will take it away. Nothing I can say or do will remove the darkness she finds herself in or take away the feeling of confusion and hurt. But I know Who can. And I turn from her doorway and I go to a quiet place where I can enter His presence. I beg Him to cover her with His hand. I beg Him to shelter her from this unbearable pain and to calm her fears. And I find peace. This God who created this blessing speaks to this mother's heart and says that He loves her more than I do. He reminds me that I held her in my arms at Pleasant View Baptist Church and we as parents dedicated her to Him and He didn't take that lightly. He reminds me that I am raising an Esther and that much of this bully situation comes from the fact that she belongs to Him. And as I thank HIm and start to leave, He tugs softly at my heart and whispers. He whispers my name and reminds me that I am His baby girl too. He reminds me that His love for me is no different than this love I have for this hurting girl of mine. He whispers in my ear and reminds me that He understands what I feel for her. He has held me in His arms many times when I was hurting. He too has wanted to lavish me with His love and remind me that in His eyes I am beautiful just the way I am. He reminds me that He wants to give me peace and to take away my pain. And so I carry her to Him in prayer and I am reminded what it means to be His. I am reminded that she is His. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that both of us will be fine as long as we find ourselves in the arms of our Father. Who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began. 2 Timothy 1:9 NKJV
What has God called you to do? Do you even feel that God calls each of us to a task? I remember the process during my teenage years of trying to decide what it was that I wanted to do with my life. I listened as many of my friends discussed their own journeys of trying to determine what path they wanted to choose for their future. Each generation encourages the next to decide what it is that "they want to do with their lives". As I reflect on my own life and as I look at my own two children who are nearing these very same milestones, I realize that this is not at all what we need to be encouraging. I have learned in my forties that the correct question was not what I wanted to do with my life. The question should have been and always be, "What does God want me to do with the life He has given me?" Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has plans for us in order to give us a future and a hope. God has created each of us to serve a divine appointment. He has equipped each of us with spiritual gifts, not as a gift for us, but a gift for us to give to others. God's call on our lives is in no way dependent upon our own works or capabilities. God isn't impressed by human capabilities and talents. God looks for willingness. God has a dream for my life that goes beyond anything that I could have dreamed for myself. All the events thus far in my life have been preparing me for His plan. He has a message that He has created for me to tell the world out of my own unique experiences. I can choose not to follow the dream and believe that someone else will do it, but the dream was created for my life. Yes, God can use someone else, but He meant for it to be received from me. It is why He put me here. I was born to serve God's purposes for my generation. So why are you here? What is the message God plans to give the world through you? Thinking someone else can do it better? No, they can't because the dream God has placed in your heart to dream is the dream He created for you. No one else can do exactly what God has called you to do. It's your mission should you choose to accept it. And if you choose to let it go, you miss the dream God has dreamed just for you. And so in the last few months, I have come to realize that God has placed me where I am, in the places I am, with the people I am with, in order to prepare me for the journey. I have been reading a book by Jennie Allen entitled, Restless Because You Were Made For More. I have began to identify all the threads in my life, my spiritual gifts, my people, my places, my sufferings, and my passions. I have presented all the threads I have to the Great Tailor. I have asked Him to take my threads as offerings and to teach me how He can help me to weave them into a beautiful tapestry for His glory. I am in a period of waiting. He is getting me ready while I discover the dream. I don't know what all of it consists of, but I have been told part of it and it is more than I could have dreamed for myself. It isn't anything for my glory or to help me personally, but it is for Him and for those around me. The more I start to see the how the threads could come together, the more amazed I am. Things that I never thought mattered were actually preparing me for what was to come. The process hasn't been a fast one, and I am very much still here in a hallway full of closed doors waiting to see what He will open. It is lonely in the hallway. Sometimes you wonder if He heard you decide to accept the dream, and if He's coming back soon to show you where to step first. But I am learning to praise God in the hallway. I am also learning to be excited that the God who created the universe also created a dream just for me. It isn't just any dream either. It is the reason He created me and put me where I am. He chose me for it. Think about that....the God of the Universe chose you for a specific purpose. What will the world miss if you choose not to dream the dream? |
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