Sometimes I can forget. Sometimes by the mercies of the sweet Lord, I can go about my day to day activities of life and almost forget. Sometimes I can find myself laughing and talking while walking through the woods or sitting on the porch, and I can forget that anything ever happened. Sometimes I find myself just happily walking along, wading in the ocean of life enjoying the beauty of the sunset and the wind blowing on my face without a care in the world.
But sometimes I suddenly find myself under the water again fighting to breathe. Sometimes out of nowhere a wave hits and completely knocks me off my feet and throws me into the depths of the sea of pain. Often I have no idea where the tsunami type wave came from. It just sneaks up and overpowers me, and I find myself fighting to survive again. Suddenly I find myself under murky water entangled with seaweed, with my lungs filling up with water to where I can't remember how to breathe. I sometimes can't even tell which direction the surface is from where I have fallen. Sometimes I just want to give in to it and let it be over. Just once to not try to fight it, and to just let it take over and win.
And then somewhere above the darkening depths, I hear His voice. He saw the wave and He has come to find me among the depths of the sea. Sometimes I can barely hear Him, but He calls to me to look up. From somewhere high above this murky pit, I see a faint hint of Light and it beckons me to swim toward it. Part of me doesn't even want to try to head in the direction of the Light. Part of me is so tired of following His Light and beckoning to His call, and just wants to close my eyes and let the dark shadows have their way. Sometimes it seems that to give in to the seaweed and the water-filled lungs would provide a rest more peaceful than the cost of fighting for the rest that He promises.
But He is insistent. I was bought with a price, and I belong to Him. He created me for a purpose...His purpose. And so he pursues me. The Lover of my soul calls to me even in the deepest of pits and beckons me to come toward Him. Even if I find myself sliding deeper into the murkiness of the water, He continues to call me. The call gradually becomes louder than the roar of the tsunami surrounding me, and my soul longs for His embrace. And so I move toward the Light and the sound of His voice.
As soon as I begin to move in His direction, His strong and mighty hand reaches into the depths and He lifts me out onto the sandy beach. Even though the seaweed still hangs tightly around my legs and arms....even though my lungs are still filled with water...even though my lungs still ache and I can hardly breathe...I am at peace as I rest there on the beach with my head in His hand. He gently rubs my face dry, smile, and reminds me that I have a message....and then He tells me to get up and keep going. Tired as I am and still struggling to figure out how to breathe, I get up and continue walking because I am loved by the Maker of the stars and He has something that He wants me to do for Him.