"Deep calls unto deep at the noise of your waterfalls, all Your waves and billows have gone over me.." Psalm 42:7 NKJV
Well, it is harder than I thought it would be, this journey. It's pretty dark right now and the shadows are dancing on the walls teasing and mocking. The storm is continuous and the winds are strong. The waves could overtake me here at any minute. I am worn. But as I sit here I can't help thinking that you can't have a shadow unless there's light somewhere. So I'm looking hard for the light howbeit weak and hard to see. I try to concentrate on the light instead of the ...storm and faintly I hear Him. That voice. The One I love.
My brain tells me how to stop these storms. It tells me how to reside in shallow still water where people are content to stick their toes in the sand and let the waves roll over their ankles. My brain begs me to relocate to a nice cabana in the sand with the rest of the happy families. It pleads with me to give my family the chance to just enjoy the fun that lies on the beach. All I have to do is stop swimming in the deep. I need to turn in the wetsuit and googles for a beach chair and an umbrella. And I know it's true....my family longs to just play on the beach with everyone else.
But I am what stops them. I am the one with the problem. I so love the beach, the sandcastles, the picnic lunches. Part of me longs to just sit in a chair and watch the water creep slowly over my feet. I truly want so bad to let them play here...to fit in, to find peace. But I have tasted the deep water where the current is almost overwhelming at times. I have seen what lies in the ocean depths. I met Someone there who taught me how to see the beauty of the reefs and depths that you miss on the sandy beach. I have fallen in love with Him. I want to be in His presence even if it means swimming in the deep. But I love my family and they have a right to just enjoy the beach and fit in with everybody else. And so my heart struggles to find a way to allow my family to have the chance to soak up the sun and build sandcastles with the others while I learn to snorkel in the depths. That chair would be so much easier, but learning from Him here in the waves....there are no words.