In the Hand of God |
In the Hand of God |
Sometimes I listen to others tell about their life with God and I don't understand. I listen as they talk about not really feeling threatened by Satan and some act as if he doesn't exist at all. I hear them talk about these preachers that they hear on television and how it seems as though they believe that God just sits on His throne in Heaven and waits to hand out rewards and blessings. A member of my extended family once told me that she wanted to introduce me to God. I was pretty insulted because I've known Him personally for about 34 years now and her introducing me just didn't seem necessary. I wasn't really interested in anything she had to say, but there were times when I was caught in situations where she got a chance to share with me about God. I don't know Him like she does. She knows someone who can be manipulated by the actions of humans. She knows someone who rains down blessings on those who produce magic formulas. She believes that if you do A, B, and C, then God has to follow up with D and E. She believes that if you tithe, read your Bible methodically, go to church, and hand out some tracts from one of her Word of Faith ministers that God owes you rewards for your efforts. She's right....I don't know him. I have no idea who he is. I have to be honest. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life is to serve God. What do I mean by that, you ask. You see, the God I know is the God of the Bible. I don't remember ever reading where you could work a formula with God. I know a God who is not controlled by human forces. He is not swayed by our futile attempts to make Him anything less than what He is, I know the God of Job. I know the God who asked Satan where he had been, knowing the answer was that he was roaming the earth seeking whom he might devour. And what did God do? He pointed out His servant Job, a man who although he wasn't perfect, was an upright man who tried his best to serve God. God basically said, "Have you checked out my boy named Job? Have you seen hid dedication to me?" And Satan said of course he loves you, why wouldn't he? And what did God do? He basically gave Satan power to touch anything Job had except he couldn't take his physical life. God sat back and let Job lose everything he had. Yes, he rewarded him beyond measure, but he let him be tested in ways that most of us could not hope to withstand. He allowed him to be pruned so he could grow and influence those who would study his life. I know the God of Hosea. Hosea was a man of God. God told him to take a wife....an immoral, promiscuous woman who had no capability to be faithful to him. Hosea followed God and found himself in a relationship with a woman who mothered children for him to father that were not all his. She was restless and unfaithful, and what did God ask Hosea to do again and again? Hosea was to take her back, just like God did for Israel and for us. Hosea represented a picture of God's love for us. I know the God of David. The God who saw the heart of a simple shepherd boy and chose him to be a king. The God who taught David to trust Him...enough trust to face a giant that no one else was willing to face. The God who loved David through his battles....both the successful ones and the not so great ones. The God who gave him consequences along with blessings. I know the God of Paul. I know the God who watched a man named Saul who vehemently hated Christians. A man who had such passion and dedication to persecute the people of God. And what did God do with this man? He chose him. He met him one day on a road and changed his name to Paul. He took the same passion and dedication this man possessed to do wrong, and channeled it to make him a great influence on generations of Christians. He used who he was but changed his direction. I know the God of Michelle. He has given her an opportunity to develop a personal relationship with the Most High God. He has taught her that He is in control and she isn't. He has taught her that sometimes you have to be hurt in order to grow. He has taken someone who had no real story and given her a story that has become her own. He has shown Himself to be a God who loves unconditionally and without reservation. He loves with the love of a parent. Sometimes He applauds from the stands, sometimes He brings out the paddle, sometimes He says no to something she really wants, and always He waits to hold her when she cries. She knows a God who has allowed her to walk through the valley of the shadow, yet never left her alone. She would rather walk in the deepest darkest hell with Him, then to go alone in any glorious light. He is hers, and most importantly, she is His, and nothing else matters.
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When I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also. 2 Timothy 1:5 NJKV Four generations of hands..my grandmother, my mom, my daughter, and me.. A friend had encouraged me to take the picture before it was too late, so one Sunday morning after church I opened my Bible and asked my husband to take a picture of our hands. Two of those hands held me as a baby, picked me up as a toddler, comforted me when I was sick, and prepared an unknown number of meals for my nourishment. My own hand, bearing my wedding band, had held my two precious babies and comforted many other children along the way. And then the hand of my baby girl, a hand that I know is blessed by God and will do many great things for others as it already has. Leaving a legacy. Paul reminded Timothy that he had seen the faith that he possessed, a faith that Timothy had witnessed from his mother and grandmother. They had left Timothy a legacy...a legacy of faith. What kind of legacy are you leaving for those who will follow? Is it a legacy of faith? As I pause to think about the legacy that has been left for me by my two grandfathers who have gone to be with the Lord, I smile through the tears because they left a legacy for me that is more valuable than any amount of money. I was blessed to be the granddaughter of two precious, loving, God-fearing Christian men. They were both saved to the uttermost and I have no doubt where they reside today. As I write this post, I look up at my bulletin board above my writing desk and see their smiling faces. I am so thankful that God blessed me to have these men in my life. I am thankful that they taught me to stand up for what I believe in and not to be ashamed. I am blessed to have loved by both of them. And so as I pause to think about this legacy that has been left for me, I start to think of the legacy that I will leave one day. And then I realize that although leaving a legacy is important, perhaps there is something even more important than that, and maybe that's what Paul was getting at all along. Perhaps he wasn't encouraging Timothy to leave a legacy as his mother and grandmother had done, but rather to live a legacy. And so I ask myself this question, how can I live their legacy? How can I take this wonderful legacy they left, and live it for others to learn from each day? Did they leave this legacy for me to protect and remember, or did they leave a legacy for me to live it? Yes, one day I too will leave a legacy, but in the meantime my prayer is that I can live the legacy that they left me, so that each person I meet can benefit from the lives of these two precious men who I was blessed to have as my grandfathers. Psalm 139..... I used to read it when I was a little girl and just be in awe. I still am. The God Who created the Universe knew me before I was born, knew what I would do, who I would marry, what I would name my kids. God chooses us all. He knows us all before we are born. He knows everything about us. I was born into a family that not only loved me, but adored me. I never doubted my parents' love for each other. I never wondered who I would live with or where I would go next. I wasn't abused or neglected. I made good grades. I ate supper every night with my family at the kitchen table. My parents tucked me into bed every night when I was little. Some people say I am a strong person. Maybe, but it's nothing I did. I was smothered with love. I was surrounded by people who would do anything in the world for me. I didn't have any real obstacles to overcome. I didn't struggle in school. I didn't have a bad childhood. I shouldn't be anything else but strong. What amazes me is the strength I find in others who did have obstacles. The ones that have an inner strength that by all rights should not be there. Those who you know were chosen by God for a very special work. I know two people in particular that amaze me. They didn't have a childhood like mine. They didn't go to church every Sunday morning and Sunday night with their parents, sister, grandparents, uncle, and aunt. They didn't grow up walking into a room and seeing people's eyes light up just because they were there. Sometimes no one noticed they were there at all. No one noticed they were hurting...or so it seemed. God was there. He saw the pain and even though I can't comprehend why He had to let it happen, He saw it all. They had to wonder where He was. I know where He was. He was holding them, even if they couldn't feel Him. He was holding them and taking their circumstances in His hands and turning them and molding them into what they would someday become. And what they have become leaves me in absolute awe. A man who shows a strength that could only come from God. A man who God somehow has molded and changed into someone he never thought he would be. Not because of his childhood, but in spite of it. A man I have watched God grow and nurture and be able to use. I know a woman who didn't grow up like I did. A woman who didn't have the examples that I had and yet she is such an incredible mom. A woman who God had to have His hand on because He had bigger plans for her later. We are all chosen by God, but there are some that He just handpicks for special things. There are some who must be broken so that one day He can make them beautiful. I hope they know that He is using them in such big ways. I don't know if they notice it, but I've watched them both. All you have to do is look and there you see it....the hand of God. I'm glad He let me be there in their lives. It is amazing for me to watch.....chosen. molded, and grown by the God who created the stars. (previously published as a note on my Facebook page) Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. I Peter 5:8NJKV If there is one thing that I have come to know all too well in my Christian walk, it is this: Satan is real, and he wants to destroy you. I know some people question whether or not Satan is real. Trust me, not only is he real, but he knows you and he makes it his business to know what makes you tick. The fastest way to get Satan's attention is to make a commitment to God. It has been my experience that Satan is content with leaving me alone as long as I am indifferent and not in the will of God. The minute I choose to engage in a new ministry or to commit myself to a Bible study, he appears. Just yesterday I posted a prayer to God. With an open heart, I expressed my desire to serve Him more. I even made the statement that I wanted to feel Jesus under my fingernails and to get my hands dirty in His service. Well, guess who that woke up? The day that you step out in faith and declare yourself committed to the will of God is the day that you become a target. The enemy, who is constantly walking as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, sets his sights on you, sometimes with great fervor and intensity. Making a stand for Christ is an open invitation for Satan to attack. So why set yourself up for that? Why would anyone want to consciously invite Satan to attack? Wouldn't it be easier to just read your Bible, say your prayers, and go to church on Sunday and stay out of his way? God calls Christians to make a stand. God calls us to reach a lost and dying world. God calls us to live a bold and courageous life. He wants us to be His hands and feet. He calls us to take a risk and show His love in tremendous and outrageous ways. But how can we do that when the father of lies is lying in wait for us, to devour us? How can we withstand the wounding and destructive snares that he sets in our path? There is another side to making a commitment to God. If you step out in faith for Him, rest assured that He will never leave you or forsake you. The Bible promises us this. In 2 Chronicles 20: 15, 17 NKJV, we find a promise. "Thus says the Lord to you: ‘Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you. Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.” So as I find myself in a period of attack, I draw strength in this promise. Even though there is a roaring lion seeking to devour me. Even though he knows exactly what will hurt the most. I press on in my journey to follow Christ. I step out in faith knowing that the God of all comfort, the God who promises that He will repay, the God who promises that I will see the salvation of the Lord, is there. And even though the winds may blow, and the rains may fall, I hold on to the truth that my God is bigger and that He will fight the battle if it comes because I am following Him. Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me. Isaiah 6:8 KJV God, This year has been a year of dramatic change in my life. I don't pretend to know what it is You are trying to teach me or where it is that You are leading me. I had no idea where 2013 would take me or what it would have in store for me, but You did. I think you tried to prepare me. I know that there were messages, little whispers from You, but I didn't fully understand. I think back to that dream in early March when You told me to let go and not be afraid to fall. So many changes since then....God, I'm trying, but the truth is, I am still struggling with being able to let go. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize the girl I see. I am not who I was in January. I am not even who I was in March. I am different. I have been broken and in the Hands of the Potter, I am being renewed and transformed. What is it that You are making me to be? I am just a cracked pot. I am not a perfectly smooth vessel, but a jar of clay that contains breaks and cracks. At face value I appear to be nothing, but when Your light shines through the cracks, I feel beautiful. God, I am not a 'sit in the pew" kind of Christian. I know that my family and I are in a period of transition. Perhaps it is a time for us to learn. Perhaps it is a time of rest like my husband seems to hope. But God, I don't think I can rest. I don't think I know how. I am not even sure that that is what You have in mind for me, the way I feel must be from You. I have these two beautiful children that You allowed me to carry and watch grow in You. They both want to serve You. They are both mission bound. My husband feels a calling of his own. I thought maybe that my job was to support them. I thought maybe You were calling me to be their partners, but God, I'm starting to think that maybe just maybe, You have something for me too. God, this life is too short to waste. I want to be brave. I want to be dedicated. I want to be Your hands and feet. I want to feel You under my fingernails. Maybe I did birth a Daniel and an Esther, but maybe I am part of that too. God, I want to be part of the Esther generation. I don't want to be content with sitting on a pew and just blending in with my surroundings. I want to be a woman who says yes to God and I want to do it now. God, please tell me that You aren't finished with me yet. I know in my heart that You are up to something. I have no idea what it is, but I must admit that I am getting excited. Take me out of my comfort zone. Teach me to free fall and enjoy it, knowing that I will always land in Your hand. Make me get my hands dirty and feel what it feels like to live a life of service for You. God, here I am....send me. Your daughter, Michelle For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Galatians 6:3 NKJV Why is it so hard for us to be real? Why are we so afraid to take off the mask and show our authentic selves? What is it that we are so afraid of? Why is it that we put so much value in the opinions of others that we are willing to sacrifice who we really are? I remember being disappointed to find out that some buildings I saw on television, in theme parks, or in some towns had false fronts. I was always intrigued by multi-story buildings. To find that some of these buildings were mere false fronts was devastating to me. I didn't understand why anyone would want to create a façade that a second story existed when really it did not. The only thing more disappointing was that as I grew older, I came to find that many people have created the same façade. They make it appear that that is another level to them that doesn't really exist. They are so consumed with pleasing people that they forget who they are, they forget who God made them to be. They usually appear to be happy and easy to get along with, but inside they are miserable. Yes, people adore them. People want to be with them, maybe even to be like them. Bosses love them. They are people pleasers. The only problem is that they seldom are pleased with themselves. I am guilty of being many things, but not so much a people pleaser. I kind of like Isaiah 2:22. "Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?" In other words, why do you value the opinion of man? He is only promised the breath that resides in his nostrils. He has no control over your life. But there is One who does. Why be so consumed with the opinion of other people? Is it not better and of more eternal value to concern yourself with the opinion that God has of you? I was raised in a family that valued work ethic and a held a sincere reverence for God. I was raised to be a Colossians 3:23 girl. "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men." This world we live in is hungry. They are hungry for someone to not be afraid to be real. They want to see the authentic you, the unmasked version. A few weeks ago my emotional stability was questioned. At first I will admit that I was hurt. And then I found my way to the book of Psalms. Ever read the book of Psalms? Notice how many times David was real with God. Notice the rawness of his cry to the Almighty. Notice the realness, the authenticity, the removing of the façade. This man was real. He wasn't perfect, but he knew the One who knew his heart. He wasn't afraid to be broken. He wasn't afraid to express his fears and weaknesses. He was real. And guess what? Guess who God chose to be the King of Israel? This broken, non-perfect, weak, real man. Sometimes maybe I seem emotionally unstable. I definitely don't fit the mold of living a façade. I was raised to believe that God made me to be who I am for a purpose. I am not perfect, but I am His creation. Yes, I have faults, but I was taught that the ones who matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter, My job is to reach out to a lost and dying world. I am called to be real. I am called to live an authentic life. I am called to lay my mask at the door and be who I was created to be and nothing more. People want to know that you are just like them. They want to know that you cry when you hurt. They want to know that sometimes you get angry. They want to see you love and laugh. They want to see you are broken just like them, for it is in your brokenness that HIs light shines through. "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." - 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 NKJV. So I encourage you to be brave. Be authentic. Be real. Don't be afraid to be a cracked pot that His light can shine through. You will make your Daddy proud! Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7 NKJV "I found a closet." That's what the text from my husband said. I am left thinking, "He found a what?" With both of us being teachers, we will never be able to get ahead financially or send two kids to college, so we flip houses occasionally. We had purchased a house in much need of repair. According to realtors, in order for a room to be a bedroom, it must have a closet. This house had the potential to be a four bedroom except the smallest bedroom didn't have a closet. We had debated for months about what to do about this situation, but had decided that building a closet inside the bedroom would cut down too much on the size of the room. We would just advertise it as a three bedroom. While attempting to rewire the final bedroom, my husband started to notice that there was an unusually large space at the top of the stairs to the basement. Upon further examination he ended up finding a door. A door to a closet. A door to a closet in the fourth bedroom. All these months of visits to that house, we had no idea that there was a hidden closet. All those moments spent debating whether to add a closet, while one was there, hidden, waiting to be discovered. But isn't life like that sometimes? We know what we need and we stress about how to get it, and there it is right under our noses if we would only bother to ask and seek. Who would have imagined that the thing we needed was hidden just beyond a wall? God knew it was there. He must have chuckled each time we stood in there debating whether to build one or not. Sometimes God is like that. Sometimes He knows what we have need of and yet He keeps it hidden until the timing is right. Sometimes He just waits until we decide to stop trying to find the answers on our own and come to Him instead. We knew we needed a closet, but we had no idea it was already there. Sometimes in life, the answers to the questions that we strive so hard to find, are already there and we just miss them. And all the while, God waits for us to ask, seek, and knock. Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it shall be opened. Why is it that we have such amazing promises and yet rather than following their simple instructions in faith, we attempt to find the answers on our own? What if my husband had not decided to cut the hole for the outlet? He would still not know that the closet existed. Wonder how many things we miss out on because we fail to ask, seek, and knock? The last seven weeks of my life have been tough. I have felt physical pain, defeat, frustration, and loneliness. Yet I have also felt unspeakable joy, unexplainable peace, and incredibly close to God. I just finished a Bible study tonight that I was doing with a friend. I don't know that I was successful in reaching my initial goals for the Bible study, but I did grow in my walk with God in ways that I never imagined when I agreed to start the study. I wasn't expecting this study to be the kind of study in which you find yourself having your life turned completely upside down. It wasn't even that kind of Bible study. But here I am....changed. I barely recognize that girl who started that study the last week of July. She is different. I won't go into all the details, but as the weeks pass you will see them start to emerge. In the past few weeks, I have talked with God. Not audible dialog, but dialog none the less. He has whispered in my ear more than once in the last few weeks. He has stripped me of all the props I used to hold myself up, and has let me learn to free fall...right into His arms. He has reminded of things that I had almost forgotten. He has sent me signs that let me know He is there. I am learning to let go and trust Him. In our search for a new church home, I have tried to be quiet. I have tried to listen to Him, and to let my husband be our spiritual leader. I have tried to let my kids help to lead rather than be led. I will confess that I despise the process of looking for a church. When I was eight or nine, my entire family left the only church I had ever known and began the painful process of searching for a new home. I dreaded Sunday mornings because I always was the one who went to Sunday School alone with strangers. I couldn't understand why we had to make this change. Yesterday we visited that church I left when I was eight or nine, for the second time this month. Yesterday morning my husband sang in the choir. I wanted to be up there too, but I wouldn't go. It's too hard for a broken heart to grab on to something too soon. The fear is too much. But last night I watched as people filed into the choir. I watched the song leader pick up the red church hymnal (one of the requirements a church must have according to my kids). I watched my husband stand up to go to the choir. It was too much. I was up before I knew it and headed for the choir. First came page 34. Then page 4. And then page 76...Jesus Spoke to Me. Now, I'm not the best singer. I don't pretend to be. But I will say that I have learned how to carry alto pretty good on page 76 if need be. Last night I sang it, but not like I usually would. I don't know how loud I was singing, or if anyone could even hear me because my heart was beating so hard in my chest. And from the direction of the empty chair to my right, I heard that whisper again. A whisper, and yet so loud it was deafening. "Michelle, I told you not to be afraid, for I am with you. Be not dismayed; for I am your God: I will strengthen you. I will help you. I am holding you with the right hand of my righteousness." There is was...my favorite verse, Isaiah 41:10. But it wasn't on a page in my Bible. He was pausing again for me. Pausing just for a minute to whisper a sweet peaceful reminder in my ear. "Michelle, you silly girl. You only missed two weeks. Here you stand with a red book in your hands in the alto section of the choir. My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are my ways your ways. The next time I tell you to jump, just do it. Haven't you learned by now that no one loves you as much as I do? Haven't you learned that you may fall, but you are never out of the reach of My hand?" If I had to choose a verse to describe my life lately, it would be Deuteronomy 2:3. Who would find a verse in Deuteronomy to describe their life? Seriously, what is in Deuteronomy except a lot of speeches from Moses and more of the law? Well there in the beginning of Deuteronomy lies this little verse: "Ye have compassed this mountain long enough: turn you northward." Deuteronomy 2:3 KJV. Or in the language of the NASB just to make it clearer, "You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north." That is what I feel like God has been saying to me lately. "Michelle. you have been here long enough. You have circled this mountain so many times you have it memorized. Michelle, stop going in circles, it's time to turn north." A different direction...sometimes you just get used to same path, the same people. Sometimes you just find yourself getting so comfortable that you can walk the path and not pay that much attention. And so maybe I have circled the mountain long enough. Maybe it is time for a different direction. What if sometimes we get so acquainted with the path circling the mountain that we forget to climb the mountain itself? Maybe we just enjoyed the mountaintop so much that we want to hang around and just keep circling what we knew at one point to be good. Maybe sometimes it's just that the mountain is familiar and that to us is good enough. But sometimes if you listen, God whispers and says to quit circling the mountain and head in a different direction. For my family and me, this has meant a change in where we used to belong. It has meant a journey to find where God wants us to be. For me personally, it has also been a call to quit circling around the mountain carrying a backpack full of excuses. It is a call to lay down the excuses and all that encumbers me, and to quit circling and start climbing. Maybe God is telling all of us that it's time to stop circling the mountain and to head north. What mountain are you circling and why? "For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; " (Luke 12:48 NKJV) If I heard it once, I heard it a thousand times...."to whom much is given, much is expected." I never looked that verse up until he passed away. I didn't have a need to read it for myself because I knew that he knew it was there and he reminded me of the verse often enough. I have been given much. I am blessed beyond measure. I have done nothing to deserve the blessings that have come to my life from the hand of God. I am merely the recipient of His undeserved grace and mercy. But for some reason they come....the blessings. They are there, too numerous to count. I find them behind storm clouds. I find them under rocks that I struggled to overturn. Sometimes they are hidden in sleepless nights or tears that fall way too easy. But there are blessings everyday. Years ago I heard His voice calling me to write. I had asked Him how it was that I was supposed to share the many wonderful things I had witnessed Him orchestrate in my life to my kids . I had asked Him how I was supposed to begin to communicate to them how very real God was and how absolutely essential He had been in my life. He told me to write it down. My answer? I am not a writer. And yet, here I am. I am ready to write. I had a dream in March in which He asked me to jump from a ledge, trusting that He would catch me, but not promising that He wouldn't allow me to fall for awhile. Since that dream I lost my precious grandfather, awaited news to see if my daughter had cancer, went on the trip of a lifetime, and have lost most of the titles that I would have used to define who I am. What changed my mind? Within five days in the month of August, I went from being a Sunday School teacher, choir member, Christmas program director, effective teacher, and Colossians 3:23 employee to none of the above. When I ran to Him crying that I didn't understand why I had to give up what I thought was my ministry. When I ran to Him and asked why I was defined by test scores or why the truth had made me a prisoner rather than free. When I ran to tell Him that I was overwhelmed and tired. What was His response? First I found myself once again In the Hand of God, surrounded by the peace that passes all understanding. And then I heard that all familiar answer....write it down, Michelle. Yes, I give you my comfort, but I don't mean for you to keep it to yourself. And so according to 2 Corinthians 1:4, "Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." , here is my blog. Maybe years spent being found in, and being led by, the hand of God, can help comfort someone else. |
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